It's better this way

It's been more than a week when I last spoke to my father. Yes, I did not even greet him during the Father's Day!

Ever since the world began, we never been in harmony. From time to time, we always fight, argue and shout to each other. I don't know what's happening to me or to us but it just happen.

Last time, he has been bragging me about having no full-time job. He always dictate my life. He has never been contented. He always bring up the financial issue into our conversation where in fact I have a job. It's a part-time job, but it is still a job. I love what I'm doing with my job now. I work as a tutor in one of the tutorial centers here in Davao. In this work, it never felt like one. I enjoyed being with these kids whose achievement is your greatest joy.

In short, I am contented with this kind of job, FOR NOW. I am tired of applying to companies I do not qualify. Most companies wanted a business course graduate employee. How can I be hired where in that aspect, I already failed?

From that fight/argue we had, he opted not to speak to me. Maybe because I said something really awful to him. I told him that I don't want to be like him. I don't want to be eaten by greed and discontentment for my entire life. Since then, I gave him what he want. WE HAVE A COLD WAR. A COLD TENSION INSIDE THE HOUSE.

I don't know how long can I do like this, but I realized two things from this dramatic scenario. One, money is more important to my father. Two, love was never present in this family. In fact as I analyze it, we are bounded by societal norms. We are like being together because this will look good to other people. When I look at my mother, there is no love in her that's left for my father. All I see is ANGER, PAIN and SERVANTHOOD. Oh, what a classic family I have!

I'm tired of pretending that everything is alright where in fact, it isn't. This could be one of the reasons why I'm not comfortable talking about my family to other people. Whenever I'm asked about my family, I just say 'fine', 'okay' and all those boring answers that would end the conversation.

If I would be given a chance to choose another family, I would definitely choose another especially with my father. SAD, but it's the TRUTH.